Sanctification of Motherhood

Y'all, not gonna lie... today the sanctification of motherhood stings.

How many of you are those people who are emphatically enthusiastic while watching your child play a sport? Hands up.

Okay, so, two of you. Excellent.

Me too.

I never thought I would be that mom, but I certainly am. So what? So, my oldest son cannot handle hearing my voice in that tone while he's playing soccer. It doesn't matter if I'm right about the directions I am bellowing out. He cannot emotionally handle it. I envision my voice shaking the very core of him like the vibrations a bell experiences when it has been hit with gusto. But, instead of making a glorious sound, it causes him to crack emotionally and he grows unsure of his footing.

So, as his mama I have two choices. 1- I can ignore the impact my voice, in this instance, has on him and continue on in MY ways or 2- I can die to myself (sanctification) in this area in and effort to honor GOD's child I am blessed to be raising.

Sawyer and I had some DEEP conversation today on the way home from his game. I shared my heart and acknowledged that what he needs from me is hard and it hurts. It really does hurt, people. It stings worse because of the journey I'm on with Dempsey. So many things, so many parts of me, are being sanctified and I'm rather tired of it. I just want to be ME. I don't want to be an altered version of ME. However, that is not what the Lord is asking of me. He is asking me to be obedient to him, to the point of pain and deep discomfort, so that I may be sanctified into the creation HE designed me to be.

It sucks. It sraight up sucks. Daily dying to myself, my desires, my wants, even some of my perceived needs... in order to edify, encourage, honor, and respect others as they become more and more of who God designed THEM to be.

Motherhood is hard. Well, doing motherhood right sure is. The Lord allowed me to witness someone doing motherhood wrong today. I know that sounds judgy... perhaps it is. My heart just broke as I listened to her degrade, belittle, destroy parts of her child. The way she behaved towards this child made me cry out to God and request that he protect that little one's heart and mind. I then prayed for the woman who clearly has some baggage she needs to unpack at the foot of the Cross (like I do!). This experience made me reach out and lovingly touch Sawyer. I looked into his eyes and told him something I tell him often- "You matter to me. I am blessed to be your mama. I am grateful to God for allowing me to do life with you." The way Sawyer's face lit up was evidence that his soul was alive and affirmed. Those moments are easy.

It's these moments of sanctification that are HARD.

Because of my wiring, the part that fails to meet the emotional needs of my Sawyer in the soccer arena, I am benching my voice while at Sawyer's games. Do y'all know what kind of hell I will be in? The kind where there is something clawing to get out of you and you have to use everything you have to keep the beast caged. While Sawyer puts on his soccer uniform, I'm going to have to go into my War Room, annoint myself, and pray like the dickens that the Holy Spirit will close my mouth and allow my mama heart to not harbor resentment to my child who is clearly wired differently, by God, than me.

Friends, let me encourage you in this crazy hard journey called parenthood. It IS worth it. I promise. When you put the hard work in early you will reap the rewards later on. Stick to your guns. Find grace at the Cross. Extend the grace you find there to others around you- they need it too! Can we all link arms in solidarity and clasp hands in prayer? Go forth and bless others as Christ has blessed you.

Wisdom a la Sawyer

Sitting at the lunch table, I was drinking a pineapple/ peach flavored kombucha. Sawyer asked me, "So, you like it?" I said, "It's weird. Strange. Different." He looks at me and goes, "Oh, it's NEW."

"New"... exactly!

In time this "different", "strange", "weird" drink would become known, familiar, enjoyed. But, for now, it's "new".

This kid. So wise! I am blessed to be his momma. Most days I just cannot fathom God's graciousness in allowing me to raise this incredible human being.